I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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