I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
