We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
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