Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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