Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
