Got a toothbrush?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
should my penis look like a turkey
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
