Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
