This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
