a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
