it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Randomize
