This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
