Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
