It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
