im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
