She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
