I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
