you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
