Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
