i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
