Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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