only if we run a train.
done.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
