To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Randomize
