I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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