just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
