Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
