I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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