yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
