she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
