So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Randomize
