Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
COCAINE IS GR8
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
