my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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