btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
