I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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