i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
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He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
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i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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