If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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