Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
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