Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
