just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
