Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
