I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
