Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
