did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
