Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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