It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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