O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
