we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
soo... how was my night?
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