She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
