she was so not down for the gang bang
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
