he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
