Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
