awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
