I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
