Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
