I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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