Fuck appropriateness.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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