Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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