So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
