I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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