I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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