omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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