somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
