Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
