So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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