alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
