69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
