So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
