I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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