yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
