Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
