I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
