bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
