just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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